A Conversation With My Mother In Law
September 18, 2007
My mother in law lives in South Texas and she’s a peach. She sends us packages full of goodies like beef jerkey and paper plates and batteries. Man, do I need the batteries. She’s a little off center, so of course she fits right in around here when she comes to visit.
But talking to her on the phone can be a drag, albeit an entertaining drag, at times. It’s very hard to explain to other people why that is, so one day, right after I hung up with her, I recorded our conversation for all posterity. My Man warned me that no one else would find this amusing. I disagreed, but in the back of my mind wondered whether anyone else would find it amusing. You be the judge.
Oh yeah, and when you read her words, you have to imagine a mexican accent, since she’s you know, Hispanic and all.
Her: ?Que’ Paso, Caaaarrie? Caaarrie, I told you I have to get my molar pulled out? It broke. I don’t have any left!
Me: Uh-huh
Her: Now I’ll have to chew. Like the beaver. You know, chewing in the front.
Me: Hmmm.
Her: I like to chew.
Me: When you get here we could put all your food in the blender.
Her: No! I like to taste my food.
Me: You can still taste mashed food.
Her: I like to chew it. Like a cow. It will just be tasteless. Like a pudding.
Me: *loud burp from an extra long drink of Pepsi Jazz*
Her: Caaaaarrie! Everything ok?
Me: sorry.
Her: I’ll just have to eat in the corner of restaurants from now on. And chew like cows, you know. Back in the corner. Maybe I have two stomachs also.
Me: *imagines her with two stomachs and starts painting my nails with new polish*
Her: I already eat so slow. I’m the last one to finish. Charles gets a Whataburger and finishes in two minutes. Half an hour later, I’m still eating.
Me: Hmm…
Her: Charlie eats fast too. What’s the hurry?
Me: Everyone’s starving I guess.
Her: I’m hungry too. I just like to taste my food. Chewing and chewing like a cow.
Me: Well, I need to go now.
Her: Tell the kids to call me later.
Me: k, bye
Her: blah blah blah with the wrapping up of the conversation for the next five minutes
Me: k, bye
Me: k, bye
Me: yeah, yeah, k, bye
Her: bye, Caaaarrie!
Entry Filed under: What I Hear Sometimes, family. .
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1.
Cheryl | September 18, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Ok, you had to know that I would find that whole coversation amusing…ROFL!
2.
Jenny | September 18, 2007 at 3:23 pm
I can see her chewing like a beaver but not like a cow so much. She has no molars left, right. She makes a cute beaver.
3.
Gayle | September 18, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Reading it is funny….but reading it aloud with a mexican accent was just hilarious! So if that’s the phone conversation, what do you talk about when your face to face. I have to assume there are all kinds of visual aids and gesturing.
4.
Mary | September 20, 2007 at 8:55 am
Well, I find your conversation amusing… and hilarious
Thanks for visiting my blod 
5.
Hallie | September 20, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Well, I think it’s pretty darn funny! Why did I just imagine a strange conversation with Cheech Marin? I hope she doesn’t read your blog!
6.
Dianne | October 1, 2007 at 12:53 am
I, too, found it very funny. Giving the accent background was most helpful!! I love sitting here, laughing at my computer, looking silly. Makes my day!