When They Grow Up
September 16, 2007
When the gremlins make their transition into Adult Gremlinhood, they have made a few things very clear to me and My Man. They just aren’t happy with the state of several areas of their lives these days and never fail to lodge their complaints to whoever will listen.
When they grow up:
- they all plan on living in the house we moved from two years ago. Not together mind you, they have fought with each other on a weekly basis for the last two years, over which one of them is going to move back there first. They’re all very nostalgic in the most impractical way. Our house now is WAY better than our previous one which I’ve shown you up there.
- they plan on eating unlimited chocolate. Ever since the dentist declared all three of the older gremlin’s mouths to be Cavity Central, I’ve been a witch and banned candy from our house. The only problem? Their Father, the Chocoholic. It’s not the woman of the house, the usual suspect; I’m more of a nacho sort of girl. So after dinner, My Man, being kind-hearted as he is, whips out his Hershey bar, because his body might actually go into shock if he doesn’t chase his dinner down with cacao bean. And the gremlins go into full Gremlin Mode with their rights being wronged and all that. And they declare that adulthood must hold a chocolate free-for-all.
- they will also drink all the pop, soda, fizzy, Coke, whatever you call it in your part of the earth, that they can possibly ingest. I’m very mean. I make them drink water.
- they will eat Fritos every day. My Man has a special shelf in the pantry for his lunch supplies. Being on a very low income, we have to guard his Precious Foods, so that they will last the week. Gremlins are notorious for pillaging other people’s food, but so far this method has worked. And it has caused one more thing to go on their lists of “When They Grow Up…”
So, while other children are planning their future vocations and what kind of spouse they might like, mine are plotting about the foods they will finally have unlimited access to. Can you see the pattern of food obsession? I’m sure the list could go on and on. I’m only writing all these down because someday I plan on using it for blackmail.
Just don’t tell them.
Entry Filed under: What I Hear Sometimes, family. .
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1.
Karen | September 16, 2007 at 3:33 am
One of my kids’ fondest memories (?) is of road trips we used to take. Since we had not two nickles to rub together, we always packed our food and brought a jug of water to drink. We would stop for gas and Ben would always come out trying to hide a pack of donuts, or some peanuts, or some of *whatever we didn’t have*. We would get on the road, he would turn the radio on, and then try to quietly open whatever edible contraband he had acquired. Inevitably, one munchkin would hear and shout, “What’s that crinkling up there?” and he would have to split his goody seven ways. So now that the munchkins are bigger than we are, and usually have more money than we (what with paying tuition for two), we find ourselves asking them the same question. Karen
2.
Gayle | September 16, 2007 at 8:15 am
Ha, I buy the cheap yogurt for the kids and then hide a few “whips” in the back of the fridge for me. The first thing I did after I got married and moved out of my parents home was to jump on my bed, wear my shoes on the couch, and eat in the living room while watching a movie. Ahhh, freedom!
3.
Emily | September 16, 2007 at 9:14 am
I found it hilarious that it really WAS all about food. My son had listed on his Greatest Desires list…..To eat Cookie Crisp Cereal.
So, one day I rewarded him with it and I had a funny post about it. HE just wasn’t that into it. Sortof like Sizzlean for me as an adult. YUCK.
4.
Damselfly | September 17, 2007 at 1:38 am
Well, they are going to be very fun at cocktail parties when they grow up, aren’t they?!
Nice digs.
5.
Jenny | September 17, 2007 at 3:10 am
You seem to deprive your children almost as much as I do.
Did I tell you about the 5lb bag of chocolate chips I got from Sam’s? I used 1-2 cups of them for cookies then stowed them safely in a Tupperware cannister labeled BEANS. Several weeks later when I decided that I should make cookies again I dug out the chocolate chips to find that there was less than a cup remaining. From then on I left a note in the cannister which read “Please do not steal any more chocolate chips. God is watching you even when mother is not.” It worked for a while.
6.
TANYETTA | September 17, 2007 at 9:25 am
yeah!!! you’re a mean mom too
i love it. welcome to the club! kids are just great aren’t they?
7.
Cheryl | September 17, 2007 at 10:53 am
Whips..hmm…ate that when I was in my first trimester…wrong thing to do..gagged and then never ate it again…Me and textures like that don’t work for me. The first born doesn’t like fizzy drinks thank goodness! But I think I want to go live with your kids if they’re going to have all these goodies in their pantry!