Remember this? I don’t personally, but sure I’ve heard of the ol’ vibrating belt exercise machine of the 50’s. Looks like swell fun. Maybe afterward they gussied up for a sock hop or something. Those were the days. At least they look like the days.

I’m hoping that contraption up there was effective, because I’ve found myself in a similar position lately.

Our old washer broke down a couple months ago, so I hiked it up to Main Street to purchase a new-old one. We only buy used appliances. It’s a religious preference.

Not really. I drool over those really nice front loaders that probably make nary a sound when spinning out or agitating. Because it wasn’t too long after we got our new-old washer, that supposedly is industrial size, when we found out it couldn’t handle a full load of sheets or towels.

You can always tell when it’s going to start. The spinning starts slowly. Thump-thump-thump. And you hope once it starts full throttle that it will even out and just work right already. And sometimes it does.

But then you have the knocking-turned-walking washer issue and you go in there, flip the darned lid open and rearrange some towels. When you close the lid again you pray to the heavens above and chew on the inside of your lip while you wait for the momentum to gain to see if the earth shattering vibration will begin again.

If it does, and you’re a novice at this, you might try rearranging a few more times. Each time getting more and more agitated that your new-old industrial size washer cannot handle a freakin’ load of towels. Even a small load.

Once you’ve had some experience at this, you might try going outside while it spins out. Because if you can’t hear it, then it doesn’t exist. Besides, you’re tired of worrying that the contraption is going to shake it’s way through the old floor and land smack dab on the sump pump in the basement. But then a gremlin usually comes out and interrupts a nice daydream about caramel mocha frappacinos and he’s really freaked out by all the banging and whatnot, so you go inside cause you’re a nice mom.

And when you’re back inside and the monster of a machine starts in again you know the only thing left to do is to sit on it.

If you’re a big girl like me, sitting on it will, in fact, calm the booger down a tad. Oh, rearrange to your heart’s content, but while I was sitting on my washer just this morning I realized that I am probably just shaking off those pounds at warp speed.

At this point, you might be tempted to think that I’m just trying to be funny and ha ha wouldn’t that just be a hoot to sit on one’s washer while it shakes profusely! But do not give it one more thought! At least twice a week, I can be found, at some point in my day, perched atop my vibrating washer waiting out the spin cycle. This is my true life. I don’t have to make this stuff up.

I was going to give Tae Bo a try, but I think this might just be a wee bit more effective.