I had so much fun griping about magazines the other day on THIS post, that I thought I’d poke some more fun at the topic. I had some down time at work finally last night around 1 a.m. when people apparently decided they’d bought enough John Wayne Ultimate Collection DVD for their dad’s Father’s day gift and cat litter to last the weekend and went home. So then I stared at the mags and spaced out for awhile and laughed to myself over what I saw there yet again.

I learned that the world is indeed going to end on 9/11/2007. That’s unfortunate because #1 I’d like to celebrate my 31st birthday, and #2 I was hoping to visit Washington State sometime before I die.

I learned that I can get inches off in just 8 moves. I’m not sure this works. I know it took 8 moves to:

climb out of my bed,

walk into the kitchen,

open the refrigerator,

bend down to the bottom shelf,

grab the tortilla package and cheese,

make a quesadilla,

shovel it in as fast as possible before the gremlins caught me and begged for some,

then grab my tape measure and balk at the lack of inches missing from my waist.

And last but not least, I learned there are at LEAST 337 ways turn heads this summer.

How about if I just give you Carrie’s Top Ten Ways To Turn Heads This Summer?

in random order

1. renovate your bathroom and leave your toilet on the front lawn for two weeks

2. watch in horror as your child hangs from the side of the shopping cart and almost catapults your infant over the side and onto the grocery store floor, in the carseat, with it still attached.

3. leave a piece of toilet paper stuck out of the back of your pants and go shopping

4. get poison ivy so bad you look like a leper

5. buy a microcephalic dog that chases down motorcyles like nobody’s business

6. take your Spiderman obsessed gremlin to church and watch him shoot webs at the old people in the pew in front of you

7. have a baby so cute the world stops on it’s axis and everyone at Walmart has to stop and say, “Look at all that HAIR!”

8. drive a minivan with a cracked windshield for two years just to be different

9.tell people you took your gremlins to the cemetery for Father’s Day

10. while ringing up your customer’s items, sneeze on his gallon of milk unexpectedly, then act like it never happened

I never said mine were better. I just said they were mine.