organized chaos

Six weeks into this whole fourth child thingy, I find myself occasionally losing it.  Ok.  Losing it has become as much a part of my day as yelling at the dog to stop barking at air and motorcylcles.

When I was pregnant and miserable, I looked forward to the day when I wouldn’t be pregnant and miserable, and possibly could stop snapping at everyone in my house.  Now I find myself doing that very thing all over again.  And feeling pretty much like a loser.

I know there’s a lot on me right now.  We’ve taken off so much school already and after some assessments for curriculum next fall, I’ve discovered that most of what I’ve taught my oldest son has somehow escaped his brain like so much goo.  So we have some things to work on.

This morning I feel a bit better, yet am having some fear over how the day will go.  Yesterday was the kind of day I hope sleep deprivation will wipe from my memory forever.  You know, the kind where all four children needed me constantly.  The older ones with school work they should’ve been able to complete independently, but mysteriously forgot how to think.  Jackelope pounding the desk because the internet game wouldn’t put Calliou’s hat on when he clicked and dragged over and over.  The Cuteness not taking naps longer than 20 minutes at a time until the afternoon when school was already over.

We have so much to work on here.  Attitudes, discipline, kindness to each other.  I am just going to keep praying and trust that God knew what he was doing when He made me a mother.